I've spent the last 2 weeks working like a dog. Sometimes the working day has been as long as 18 hours with a couple of hours sleep before starting the next job and all the jobs have basically been carrying heavy things from one place to another. This weekend I'm working at the Rod Stewart concert and then on Monday I'm working at the Prince concert. I hope to god I get to see some of Prince. I didn't see any of the AC/DC show at all which was disappointing but nothing compared to the sadness I will feel if I'm actual inside the same concert arena as Prince whilst Prince is on-stage being Prince and performing Prince songs and I don't see any of Prince at all.
In one hand I feel relieved that I've managed to find some work here. It was a tough first couple of months and nobody likes to be financially dependant on somebody else for a long period of time. Even if the other person doesn't mind and is completely understanding about the situation. It's just not a pleasant feeling is it? So yeah, on one hand I'm grateful that I've find work and there is lots of it for me to have. On the other hand I'm finding myself so exhausted by the work and so consumed by it that it's not leaving any space for me to do other things, the things that I would like to do here in Berlin...enjoy being with my girlfriend, write some new songs, maybe get a band together to play the new songs with, play some shows, start the club night with Jules here. All of that has just been put on a back burner somewhere out of sight and out of mind. I don't want to get caught in a vicious cycle. You need to earn money here, or rather I need to earn money here. Back in Liverpool you know through experience what you need to do to get money to live off, to feed yourself with, to drink, to go out, to buy necessaties like guitar strings and what have you. You know you can do a few DJ jobs, sign on, get housing, do bits and pieces of other work as and when you need to in order to survive without falling to kiss the mouldy feet of a job that will make you unhappy for the rest of your life whilst your dreams and ambitions and ideas get put on a big, blazing bonfire, along with your happiness and your dignity. I don't think it's so easy here...you need money not just for eating and drinking and stuff but for things like health insurance - you're obliged to buy health insurance as there is no NHS or similiar. Health insurance isn't cheap either. You need to pay the rent, obviously and the normal deposit for flats here is 3 months rent upfront which can be around €1,500 obviously depending on what your rent is. You can't sign on here unless you've been working for 6 months. not that I want to sign on - I just don't want to spend the whole of my time in Berlin working myself into the ground...I could do that very easily back in Liverpool. So this is something that i need to figure out and fast before I start wearing blue dungarees and own a fully equipped tool belt.
I had my cousin, Stephen, here last weekend. He came with three of his friends who are also my friends but more his friends and we had a really good time and I think they really liked Berlin. we went to one of the outdoor swimming pools here on Saturday which I can heavily recommend for making hangovers vanish. We did alot of drinking and went to a few clubs and on Sunday we watched the Germany vs England game at a massive public viewing in The Kulturbrauerei in Prenzlauer Berg. I honestly think that out of the 2,000 people there watching the game we were the only English people there. The lads all wore their England shirts too but decorated themselves with Germany florets as a gesture of goodwill. The moment of the weekend came shortly after we bought these floret things and we were walking to the venue...as we got around the corner there were about 40 Germany fans we had to walk through and as soon as they noticed the England shirts they chanted, very loudly, 'You're goin' home, you're goin' home, you're goin', England's goin' home...' to the tune of 3 lions. It was both hilarious and frightening. It was good craic though and the lads made a few deutsch friends, although I'm not sure it would have been such a friendly response if England would have beat Germany.
I've got my first gig tonight. I'm calling myself Silent Sleep and it's just gonna be me and my electric guitar...I'll probably play some 28 Costumes songs and some Hallo...I Love You songs and maybe a few new ones. The gig is at this place called Madamme Claude and it has chairs and tables and what not on the ceiling to make it look upside down or something and the room holds about 17 people. I'm really nervous and I don't really know why because I've played lots of gigs and even loads of gigs on my own. Half of my mind, the nice side, is telling me I've got nothing to be worried about, after all it's only going to be around 17/18 people. The other half of my mind, the nasty little bugger side, is whispering 'It's sold out to capacity...17 people means you're playing a SOLD OUT show, Chris'. It's a right meanie sometimes.
I'm really unprepared too - I just practised once here in my living room and then I couldn't be bothered doing it again so when it all crumbles live on stage later on I can think back to that exact moment and call myself a big cunt.
I've got to go, the sound of my sweat crying is deafening me.
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